Video: You Don’t Know Poik

Lamest title ever, this was also part of the Summer 2002 Graduation video medley I put together so it was pretty rushed, even though this was the only one I went back to and finished later.. I honestly couldn’t come up with anything else :P

“You Don’t Know Jack” (YDKJ) is a PC quiz game. It’s a huge game series in America, spanning so many different topics with addon packs and the like. I’m not going to voice an opinion on the US games *coughcoughcrapcough* because this may provoke a war.

However the UK edition (little spoken about and sadly the only UK iteration) is a true work of art. Brilliant atmosphere, stylish, truly sharp humour and wit and it has had many grown men on their knees trying to catch their breath from laughter.

After a heavy session of proving how truly poor we are at such a satirical quiz game, and failing to get onto the high score board, again, the game (as always) played a set of joke adverts while the credits rolled. One of these adverts caught us off-guard, “John Target – The Movie”. It took us many hours playing the game before the advert popped up again and we were able to cunningly snatch it from the game. We are missing the first few seconds, however. Think any random Arnie film and you get the idea. The clip itself is a parody, obviously, but without visuals. I decided I should add some.

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Video: The Monkeytrix

Sadly this piece still remains unfinished, and large gaps are pretty evident. This is a classic example of what befalls every music video creator.. “Great idea, but did you think further than the intro?” — Admittedly I actually did, I just thought I had more footage than I did.

It’s clear to see what this was intended to be, some of the effects and clips are only there as rough examples and things I was toying with before running out of time. This was intended to be part of the great Graduation presentation, but had to be dropped due to, well, running out of time juggling the other videos around.

At any rate, the introduction scenes are still entertaining which is why I still let it exist until I find more clips to fill it with. Who needs to dodge bullets when you can dodge watercannons?

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Video: The 42h Ninja

Required reading for the visitors to this site is the Official Ninja Homepage, which extols the virtues of ninjas and tells of how they are “totally sweet”. Part of the site relates tales of ninjas in action; one of these in particular caught our attention: “I heard there was this ninja eating in a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town.”

We decided that in true monkey style, a re-enactment was in order. In the space of a few hours, we filmed the scenes and I edited the sequence together.

Our lack of planning is fairly evident in some scenes (including the most miserable-looking bunch of monkeys ever to get together and eat pizza), although this video features one of our few attempts at implementing non-digital special effects – mmm, tomatoes!

This is one of the few films we made with an actual plan in mind, but it’s easy to see how even such a short clip can take quite a bit of effort. In spite of this, we had a lot of fun making it, and feel that it shows in the finished article.

’42h’ relates to the household we lived in at the time, using the typical Canterburian geek-house naming scheme, in case you were wondering.

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Video: Nertcel Saga

An evening after watching some Excel Saga, and wanting to try out some masking effects and shiz, yields this sort of rubbish!

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Video: Blean Witch Project

Okay so I’m trying to make a complete archive here so I’m getting all the reeeeally crappy videos out of the way first so they appear lower on the page :P

It was spring 2000 and we were trying to do some location shooting for (dare I utter it) “The Planned Movie”. So 3 of us wandered into the deep dark depths of the forest with only a camera and our own sense of direction. Needless to say, we only had the camera.

It was a great trip into the forest; we found a cleaning with loads of cut trees and had some epic fights with giant great big sticks. There were some nasty accidents and words were said that needed to be said given the pain and damage just inflicted (but I digress). We got lost and couldn’t find our way back. This combined with exhaustion, sleep deprivation and hunger made us start acting out strange scenes from the “Blair Witch Project” (recently released).

By some superb fluke we managed to totally improvise a classic spoof documentary. Some Attenborough-style commentaries accompanying Allan’s natural monkeying about completely unaware of what’s being said make this a classic.

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Video: Action Quake 2 Spoofs


Okay, so some explaination.  Think first-year university students playing a very particular mod for what even then was a kind of oldschool FPS game.  This would be Action Quake 2.  Remember when Counterstrike was all the rage? Yeah, that was a pale failed imitation of this. AQ2 is like playing a John Woo movie, only with terrible graphics.

Post-exam freedom leads to many silly things, and these are just some of them, we keep them around because we have no shame.  Plenty won’t make much sense unless you’ve played them or have played enough FPS games to get the general idea I guess.

Action Quake 2 vs Quake 2 (MPEG 2.5MB)

In Action, a shot to the head is virtually instant death. In normal Quake a shot to the head means absolutely nothing. Quake characters have full body armour and have a huge array of futuristic weaponry. There’s not much contest in this match.

This is one of the earliest attempts at adding effects on a video. It’s amateurish but good fun.

Action Quake 2 – Cornered (MPEG 2.5MB)

What do you do when you come face to face with the enemy? Why! Just jump around like a lunatic, this will kick the weapon out of your opponent’s hand. Missing at point blank range with a shotgun is also a mandatory skill in Action Quake 2. Prepare for some authentic 1st person action! The camera couldn’t really handle being thrown around in this high paced fight (noise at the bottom, these were some of the last days of my video8 camera) but the sound effects make up for it.

Action Quake 2 – Demo (MPEG 11MB)

This is what Action is all about. At the beginning of each round a narrator calls “Lights, Camera, Action!”. After “Action” has been said the match it on! It’s generally only a matter of seconds before you see your teammates’ brains splattered all over the walls. (The flickering room with the crazy music is a parody of a famous AQ2 level.)

Action Quake 2 – Kickfight (MPEG 4.6MB)

One of the greatest feelings in Action is when everyone gathers on a rooftop and throws down their projectile weapons to fight with knifes and kung-fu alone. To boot someone into the stratosphere you merely have to jump at them. Comedy scenes arrive as fighters joust each other and miss, and charge. Miss, turn 180, charge, and miss. You get the idea.

Action Quake 2 – Knife Throwing (MPEG 1MB)

There is skill in pulling a trigger of a big gun, but there is more finessé and style when you throw a knife into an opponent’s forehead.

Action Quake 2 – Matrix Lag (MPEG 10MB)

As with any Multiplayer game the server can become overworked and have to pause. This leaves the game at a tense standstill. Taking these experiences and The Matrix comes “Matrix Lag”.

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